Thought I’d write about a specific topic this time. Thank you for those who submitted questions through my DM. Hopefully I answered yours in here!
This past year Lucas and I did long distance 4 times due to me going on exchange, me going to Vancouver… basically I ruined everything. BUT ANYWAY… Even though long distance intervals weren’t as long as some other couples, this past year has definitely taught me a thing or two about LDRs so I thought I would share. And honestly, in this day and age, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve already done some long-distancing yourself or will experience it in the future. With so many school and job opportunities popping up all over the world, it’s hard say where you’ll end up.
Before I get started, just throwing a disclaimer out there: I’m no long distance expert. In fact I’m not even a relationship expert. I can’t count the number of times I’ve said “I hate you” and then regretted it 5 seconds later and then Lucas feeds me then I’m good again #truestory. But anyway read on if you think my experience is credible (can’t promise anything though… LOL). If not, then gtfo 🙂
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO… these are just some of the things that I’ve found useful in my own personal LDR (aka what avoided fights the most LOL):
1. THE 3 MOST IMPORTANT TIMES OF YOUR DAY
When you wake up, your “big event” of the day, and when you go to sleep.
This almost goes without saying but the two most important times to communicate to your significant other is the minute your eyes open from whatever you were dreaming about and the moment you’re about to put your phone down for good. Nothing gets a person (or more specifically, the person you’re dating) more livid than waking up and not getting any messages. Or you suddenly going awol without warning. I’m not saying you need a whole ritual or speech written, I just mean a simple hello and goodbye (okay don’t actually say “goodbye” or that’s probably gonna cause fights too) to give them a heads up.
When I say “big event” of the day, I’m referring to one thing in your day that is different than every other day. If you work Monday-Friday, you don’t need to tell them “hey babe, I’m working today… again. Just like yesterday. And the day before.” Like dude, we get it. you just need to tell them if there is something about that day that is different. FOR EXAMPLEEEE… if you’re seeing your friends after work that day *cough* Lucas *cough* LOL I’m just kidding not really. Or if that day you’re actually taking a break and doing nothing. Yes, doing nothing is also something you could tell them.
I’m not saying that you have to “report” to your significant other – that is not the point of communicating these things. The whole purpose of this is to keep them up to date as to what you’re doing – sort of as if they’re in the same city as you.
2. have something to look forward to
This part might not always be possible, but I found that when there’s a time to look forward to it always helps.
This just means knowing when you’ll actually be together next. When will you see each other again? Christmas? Easter? Thanksgiving? etc. Even if you don’t have a specific date or your flight date booked, just knowing a ballpark of when you’ll see each other is super important.
On a related note, it’s also healthy to talk about the end game of your long distance altogether. What I mean by that is… there’s a difference between when you’re seeing each other next and when you’re going to finally be together forever.
3. create a bucket list for the next time you see each other
When you’re in a LDR, your imagination has to take over. If ya know what I mean 😉 #TryingToKeepThisPG13. But tying in my last point, another thing that helps let the time pass is creating a bucket list together of all the things you would do once you see each other. This is even more important for people who don’t know when they’ll be able to see their SOs (significant other) so it gives them something else to look forward to. For example, for Lucas and I, we talked about all the activities/hikes we would do once he gets to Vancouver. I find that when you’re thinking about these activities, it takes your mind off just how long it’ll be the next time you see them.
4. DO NOT let facetime/skype take over your life
Just because you’re in a LDR does not mean you have to spend every second of your free time on FaceTime. Personally, I found that the healthiest way is to find a balance. Lucas and I actually preferred that we didn’t FaceTime every single day but when we both have the time or those times when we really want/need to speak to each other over FaceTime. The key is to not make your FaceTime/Skype sessions feel like a burden. When you schedule it every single day, it could feel like it is holding you back on some of your other priorities, which could also result in resentment towards your SO. But if you are the type to Skype every day, one tip could be to not let every single one of your sessions drag out for hours. The last thing you want is to force communication or for your partner to be overly tired but are too afraid to say no. You still want to keep each other on your toes and feel the excitement every time you each other on the screen.
5. UNDERSTAND THE PHASES OF A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP
I like to relate a LDR to being hungry (LOL I would relate everything to food). You know when you’re really really hungry and you still don’t get to eat, eventually that hunger dies and your stomach just feels numb and you’re not really feeling it anymore? Then when you know you’re about to go eat (eg. after you’ve ordered your food) you get this rush of emotions where you feel even more impatient and agitated? (Maybe it’s just me… LOL).
ANYWAY what I’m trying to say is that a LDR is sort of like that. In the beginning you feel super deprived and you’re like WHYYYYY IS THIS HAPPENINGGGGGG. But after several weeks you start to get the hang of it and you don’t feel like you’re dying anymore #DramaQueenHour. But once you know when you’re going to see each other again, the week before seems to get really tough again and fights happen more easily (yep, this happened to us 4 times).
Understanding this timeline is important because when you feel extremely down, you know that you’ll start getting used to it in awhile so knowing that in and of itself is uplifting.
6. take advantage of your DEAD times
Every single one of us have dead times every single day. That is, times when there’s literally nothing to do but for a short amount of time. Eg. when you’re waiting in line for your coffee at Starbucks. When you’re waiting for the bus/train to come. When you’re waiting for your friend who’s always late (LOL that’s me #oops). You get the point. I love taking advantage of this time by calling Lucas or my friends and family back at home. If they don’t have time to talk to me, I like to use this time to send snapchats, leave voice messages, or even writing a longer text to let them know I’m thinking about them.
7. consider doing netflix sharing
If you’re one of those couples that love to watch shows together… HAVE NO FEAR. There’s actually an application for Chrome that allows you to share your Netflix screen. I downloaded it but personally haven’t had the chance to use it. But here it is!! 🙂
BOTTOM LINE: should you try it???
To answer this question you would have to really understand your situation. What I mean by that is if you’re doing long distance for short periods of times (eg. I did long distance 2 months at a time but would see each other after that), then the answer is probably. 2-3 months go by pretty fast so if you’re going to see each other every summer, winter, and spring break, this is very doable but it still takes a lot of effort on both ends. You should also consider whether or not there is an end to this long distance.
I haven’t done these “advice” posts before so let me know what you think. If you’ve been in one before… was this post relatable? What would you add?
But either way, I hope this helped!